i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
