i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
