if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
