ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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