I cannot find my penis.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
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Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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