So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
