After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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