And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
