This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
