Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
