theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
