That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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