How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So many bounce houses so little time
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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