you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
