I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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