we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
