today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
