how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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