He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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