We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Hippo gnu deer
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
