dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
