are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
