Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
