I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
