can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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