Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
4 words: hood of his car
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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