have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
