she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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