I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
