i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
