What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
