maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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