90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
