Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
