She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize