In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
