good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
