Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
