Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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