We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
