tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
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Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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