I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
he high fived his dick after we had sex
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
