Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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