If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
