watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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