my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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