A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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