Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
