It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she smelled like a LAN party
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
