wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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