you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
