We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
