I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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