if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
