Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
