Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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