maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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