Don't you send me to vm
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
