I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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