How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
