so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
