one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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