his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
