if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
