I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Ketchup is God's man juice
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
BRING THE BAGELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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