I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
