I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
