K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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