Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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