I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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