What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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