She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
