I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
