even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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