In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
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It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
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Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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