Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
