Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
