You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Randomize
